Advice for a brand-new Adult( on her 18th birthday!)

Dear friend,
(With a fitting cliched beginning:)
It seems like only yesterday I saw your first birthday (which was in fact your 12th as we'd only met at the beginning of secondary school). But oh how you've not really grown at all! You still argue when you know you're wrong, still do that weird twisty thing with your hair when you're tensed( which will invariably lead to aloepecia), and still love and embrace life with all the gusto and all the innocence of a new-born rock star!


Therefore,  with all the wisdom of a best-friend who is at least a year younger than you, I have composed this list:


1) Be Spontaneous: No better time than now to remind you of the best piece of advice, which just happens to be first given me by you. Now that you're getting old and greying, make sure to keep that in mind. No matter how bogged down you get with the drudgery of life- randomly stop and smell the roses, kiss that passing stranger(not really), and burst out in song when you feel like it. I'll try to be there to fill the awkward silence when you do so...


2)Go to Ireland: Galway girl can't wait forever! There really is something magical about there be it Northern Ireland or the 'real deal'. Maybe you can finally live that Holly-Gerry moment, huh?


3) Don't 'DO IT'- 
You know what I mean. Not that I question your chastity or anything, but in a world where values are changing fast, and even the rest of our friends are giving in- try to remember it's best to save it for your 'one and only'...

4) On that note Do 'Get a Boyfriend':
I'd say it's about time now, don't ya think? And I know, I know- it's not really your active choice not to have one. But try opening your eyes to those you least expect - without compromising standards.

5) Take more pictures, make more videos: Honestly there is nothing better than documenting your life, really? Even when there's absolutely nothing special to document. It will come in handy when you're bored one day.


6) Stop any remnant  'childishness': Now I am NOT calling you out or anything, before you kill me! I 'm just saying if ever you get the temptation to be mean to someone, complain ridiculously or get overly-jealous about something trivial- NIP IT IN THE BUD!

7) Keep the 'child-likeness': Be free, Be trusting, Be trustworthy. Enjoy sweets and gum drops, wear that bright pink whatever- you know......

8) Get back to the Classics: What happened to those old Hamlet quotes you'd recite each day? Any you haven't read, get to reading and impress/annoy me again :) 

9) Once you do get a Boyfriend- DON'T be boy-crazy: Please, please don't 'cos guess whose gonna have to deal with the annoying worries, pleasantries, and post-break up 'Oh-My-God-I-Thought-He-Was-Perfect tears'....

10) Start working on that 'Bucket  list'- Not in the sense that you're getting old/nearing death, but in the fact that these our things you've always wanted to do. Remember how we started drawing them up last summer?

11) But remember- life is a marathon, not a race- So the process of getting there, is just as important as the achievement itself. Take time to relish the daily routines...

12) Never forget to have the occassional 'I'm gonna stay in my pajamas today', 'I'm gonna have a lie-in' days- they are essential

13) Try to make a mark on the world or at least, in someone else's life: Do something- write a book, get to painting, get to charity- have something you'll be remembered for.

14) Listen more: More knowledge is gained from taking in, than spitting out.

15) Travel- You know that's one of the top things you said you have to do. No matter where you work or what you do, make sure you go somewhere exotic...

16) But when you do, keep in touch, ok? And not just with me, or your family, but with the friends I know you're already letting go of. Call them up sometime

17) Believe in Fairytales, and Magic: I do not know who this slightly cynical personna I am starting to see more of is, but i advise  you to screw her and her over-realism. What would the world be without ideals- whether they pan out or not? You are not Miss Harry Potter-Movie Watcher-Extraordinaire for nothing! I know you will find him- I'm sure you will- and you'll have that life you dreamed of so long.

18) Be true to You and to Him- And this time I don't mean a guy- I mean God. Don't forget who you are- a Christian African child. That come with so many implications and responsibilities to others, yourself and God. Don't let anyone make you feel less; don't be pressurized into anything- and keep hope, faith, and love alive.


I love you now; I'll love you always. I'll be here to make sure you follow through.

Your bestie;
Cathy.

On the Loss of Innocence and Being-too-Young

I remember how there was a time when I could never fathom the following:
How Black Americans in the time when racial aggression was at its worst could live in a neighborhood where daily their friends and family got beaten, shot, or lynched.
How people in Afghanistan could go on living in an area where each moment laid imminent death by the Taliban.
How could they carry out any semblance of normal living at such times, and in such areas?
Why wouldn't they just leave?

Now, when I read about how a girl was returning from the market on her way to dinner,  when suddenly a soldier raid rampages her neighbor hood, or how a man was driving home from work and was suddenly shot by a member of the KKK, my senses are not completely shocked at the complete contrast of the two happenings.
I understand perfectly how my country can be deemed a terrorist nation, facing internal war from a religious sect, and I can still go on living there with my family, and living a relatively normal life too- watching movies, going to Church, having parties.

I read daily that another Church had been bombed, another raid unleashed- and with the full knowledge that it could have just as easily been me, I wake up and do the same tomorrow.

Why it is this way- I do not really know.
But sometimes leaving just isn't an option- and not even in the physical sense you may think I mean.

Maybe it's because leaving just isn't the answer- but that's probably not really why.

But it doesn't just stop there- I myself have been a subject of a dreaded news take on a crises. It was horrible, I was shaken- but I'm still there and I still live.

What I have learnt is this: We can never just stop, we have to keep moving-to carry on.
And sometimes these things that happen really are greater than us, and all we can do is be moved, swept by the tide.

Harsh fact for someone whose barely lived.

I really am too young, to be feeling this old.

-Cathy