The River Flows in You

Sun gleaming, and the wind whistling
gentle silence.

-And you there, making Love’s presence felt
listening intently, hearing no more than a whisper.

And then the notes strike you, and you seem to gasp.

Something amazing! Your eyes round tell
These notes so sweet, so complex, so utterly intricate waft breaking silence.

And then your eyes fall on the River;
You gasp again.

Like diamonds! No- Ten thousand stars instead.
Sparkling, dazzling, streaming gracefully to eternity seeming.

You turn to me again, opening your lips to say it all
which remains open, saying nothing.
Unaware that lay before me, three perfect beauties
-the melody, the River,
And the girl.

Yes, darling, my melodies inadequate to describe what’s true
And yes, darling, the River flows in you.

Cathy

Will things be the same next time we meet?

To begin this post, I'd like to start off with a song reference ( as I often do :) ).
In the words of Biffy Clyro's 'Many of horror' (song inserted below for the 'interested and lazy'):

When we collide we come together

If we don't we'll always be apart

I'll take a bruise; I know you're worth it

When you hit me hit me hard

So...

In many ways I find these lyrics profound, and in some ways, relevant to me. It's all about being in love with someone who is technically 'bad for you'. Although with this song, its more about an abusive relationship either emotionally, physically, etc, I can identify falling for someone when you know 'it' will never work out, and will inevitably end up hurting you ( get my drift now?) .

Often I find myself doing this, albeit on a far smaller scale, and to a lesser extent. And I won't call what I feel/felt 'love' per se, but attraction of varying intensities.

I was thinking of going into specifics initially, but have decided against it.
Presently, I feel this way for a few guys(really few okay!) at the same time- all of varying degrees, and subject to change at any point. Yes, I do think we can all feel this way about the opposite sex at times- feelings are really hard to deal with, especially when young.

And funny enough, with all of them I have the same problem. We're never around each other for too long. But when we're together its great and despite all the fluctuations there's still this level of permanency that I do like them that way. And I can't wait to see them, but life happens and I can't be near any of them. And with each of them is something unique about who they are, but also something so obviously 'wrong' about the relationship itself, that shouldn't work.

Yet I still find myself wishing it would.

Arrgh- I doubt I'm making much sense, so I guess I'll just end this with a quote that may or may not explain what I'm feeling...
 Actually this time I have a couple:

'I've learned that there are people that truly love you, but they just don't know how to show it'


'Late at night when all the world is sleeping, I stay up and think of you... and I wish on a star that somewhere you're thinking of me, too'




'I just wonder how many people never get the one they want, but end up with the one they're supposed to have.'

Anyone else in my boat?

Cathy.

Charlie Brown

What is light but rings of depth
What is happy that is borne of sadness
What is soulful but first touches the ears
What is cherished but first understood

What is important but can always be lost
What is visible but can go unnoticed
What is of now, that some place in the past

secrets and dreams might make us happy
fame and riches might be the difference
But amidst the joy and the smiles
when the mirth makes the moment alive
We will never be lost and we will never feel down

We all hope to live like Charlie Brown.

sunrise and writers

We seek happiness and we want to laugh

We move through life always trying to avoid the stings

We accept the reality but we reject the bitterness

We want to be wise but never let go of our youth

The lights shine bright

The world is at our feet

The moment is ready and the time is right

 Beauty is short lived but character is sweet

The time that will be spent, the memories we will relive

The words we shall speak, the questions we shall ask

The opinions we build on and the thoughts we cherish

The bold and the beautiful

There is something about poetry that is amazing. Every day we speak words that we never know the value of. when you mix and match two very dissimilar words both serving one purpose the moment is alive and the sound is as sweet as a thousand drums being played in symphony. But there is something about a writer that is concealed, you cannot write so much without thinking so deep. Still we might only ever get to write a millionth of what we think, And I guess that is why sometimes you do not need to have a complete  story...just a line that will lead the way to others.

When I write I am telling a secret that is still a secret because you can never fully comprehend in much the same way that you cannot ask a bird to describe its adventures. But you can still look up at the sky and marvel at its flight because that is what life is about; unanswered questions, unhindered thoughts, and wild hints that guide us through.

I will always encourage a person to write what they think rather than say it. That to me is the fundamental difference between a novel and speech. One is a moment, the other is eternity .And yet both are an outlet, built upon the same emotions and that same inspiration. It is just that the speech maker was brave while the writer was valiant....playing even his last piece if that is what he needed to protect his king and capture his opponent....willing to give all to keep one. Perfecting the house to the last brick.

Some write and some speak- some are bold and some are beautiful. some are old and some are wise  But we have the same intention; we carve the footsteps we want others to step in.

Duby.

hearts and pieces; le chat et le renard

hold me tight make my dreams come true
laugh with me make me come alive
say something new make my mind spark

tell me your dreams let this fairytale happen
lets be spontaneous  life is short
lets make a play of time nothing is sure

I dont understand fully, not nearly wise enough
some things you just do, you dont need to think
lips are subtle hearts are brittle
so kiss the former and love the other

People are complex, minds are weirder
everything is not easy, but this is simple
I am cunning you are curious
you are sweet, I am honey
We are free, we are young

If tomorrow the stars shine brighter the smile will be broader
If the sun shines on my face the memories would be merrier
Times  may change, bodies might age
I am here, you are there
But some things remain the same
You are a cat, I am a fox

one moment that eternity will not steal.

Duby.

hearts and pieces

The one who could not be saved

Here is a story about a boy and a girl. The girl had never loved; the boy was to be lost. It started out like any relationship in the 21^st century; first an invite (facebook) then a connection (Skype), and then a spark (love). Questions ran through her mind.  Is it possible that he might be the one to make it true? Can this be the love I have always feared…could I one day be strong enough to feel and lose?

I had never seen him before and yet he had seen me; sometime in the past as kids we had met and he was the one who remembered everything. For once her normally perfect memory failed her for she could not recall a face…could not even ascribe a name or personality. And yet she allowed herself to accept the fact that he was not a stranger, because she wanted him to be a friend. Many times in life we meet someone that makes us feel happy but only rarely do we meet someone that makes us feel true….someone that makes us feel special that we are who we are. Some would later on call them acquaintances, others would say they are friends…but as far as faith goes I like to refer to them as the ones ‘to be saved’.

Trying to find a boy you like is like trying to guess which is the best book on a shelf by observation; at first we notice the fine edges and then we admire the title, but we still do not know what this book contains…still cannot be sure of its reliability as an interesting piece of work that would make our time and money worthwhile. And then we dare to read the writer’s review at the back. At first we lightly surf through the summary albeit a bit curious. And then we read it closely, this time paying more attention to hints about the book’s nature and uniqueness. In many ways this is what many would use to judge the book in finality. But with me, it is the comments of other notable figures at the bottom (such as newspaper bodies, famous authors, and outstanding media figures) that would eventually serve as my final basis of judgement….that would be the key to making my choice.

Like a book, every person has an outline. The fine edge of the book’s spine are what keep the book together in much the same way as our bodies are what enhouse us and make us functional. In the same way a book has designs to make it attractive so also do people have faces that will serve to set them apart from others and make them look more or less striking. The many pages of a book are like the many colours of our personality. You can act in so many ways and yet still be one character, one individual, one person, one heartbeat. In much the same way a book has so many themes but one distinct plot; one conclusive ending.

One can love a thousand times but never understand. Because like a rainbow love is a perfect beauty as it is a rare complexity. But you cannot touch a rainbow and you can never hold one down. Yet you believe that it is a rainbow because you can see it. You admire its existence though you cannot guarantee its longevity. Trying to comprehend love is almost as impossible as attempting to chase a rainbow.#

Duby

Beautiful Irony

Its amazing how in life we meet so many people whom we would never know. Billions of people walk the earth, the common ground  we share and yet we would never be able to know who are they are. We might see them but that is mostly as far as we would ever get because we are all sourjourners in this journey that is defined as life.

They all walked along the curb each in deep thought or subdued silence
Sometimes their shoulders brushed against the next, sometimes they felt the presence of another
The streets were rowdy yet there was a silence that no one could hear
The symphony of their  footsteps made a tune, sang a melody of purpose
They looked to the sun, they felt the brightness of day
But the light that shone from the faces and hearts of those around them was was more luminous
Yet it was unnoticed, no one could see it, any sense of what was around them was amiss

They say life is an interesting journey, they say it is a never ending pain
I say life is a beautiful irony, but also one we would never figure
for we walk the same footsteps of those that preceded us
And we create a light for those who would come after us
But as we search for light and hope all the necessities for our existence
Never once do we notice the others
Those that walk beside us, those that creep behind us
We are lost in this hurry
We all sourjourn in this quest we've defined as life

Duby.

Some thoughts

Oh the perils of being too young
But 'far-too-old!' to play and sleep

They drive us night and day
like herds of cattle, forced to read

'Look to your future 'ole girl', he'd hiss
'I wish, old man'- he'd never guess- 'and leave just all of this'

Because then I'm seated in First Class first
A night, a new country- for a new day

And round my neck, expensive glass
A doting man would wave my way

I'd speak of things that'd help the world
And strategies to change Her ways

And when I'd have them by the rope,
Like Ghandi, raise my hands in hope

For now though, I realise
This wooden desk will suffice

And these glamorous wooden dolls,
Will lend me a silent applause.

-Cathy

Going with the herd

Its amazing how nowadays being different is so absurd. Ive always felt that it was more of a challenge and possibly more normal to want to go against the 'mainstream'(As ironic as this is). And that way you can at least lay the foundation for a claim to be unique. As far as the rules of engagement go nothing says that we cannot make a complete sentence on a chat page without using slangs or shortening our words. (Not that I am detached from this accusation).

This is however a minute part of the problem or what I like to call a folly of the electronic age. People are more driven to gadgets and technology than they are to the people around them and there is a rapid loss of the understanding of what is important. As times keeping changing we keep redefining what we once called our 'values' and our 'beliefs' Its almost as if we do not want to be left out of the picture while also  trying to be the ones to capture the image. I guess what most people do not understand is that in order for you to hold onto yourself you have to let go of who you want others to see and concentrate on what you need to do to be who you want to be. We need to stop listening to mainstream music and maybe question what exactly it is in the lyrics that gets us, that makes us so attached. We need to ignore what fashion says we should wear and and maybe consider what kind of image we think defines our character.. ..A flowing gown or a pair of jeans? A cap or a hat? In regards to the issue of relationships maybe we should not focus so much on getting rid of the loneliness and embrace the people around us that make us happy. After all is said and done what is the point of life if we are not enthusiastic?

You only have only one shot at life so make it count. One day try to be leave the herd and form your own. Be your own shepherd.

Duby

Creative Corner: Magic Realism

Bonjour tout le monde!

 So I am currently obsessed with a unique literary style I recently learnt about called 'Magic Realism'. Basically, it is pushing the bounds of our human reality in the most realistic, logical and probable way possible. No hint of how absurd the concept may be. You can find out more about it online.

Anyway, I am so fascinated by this style because of its uniqueness and freedom of form- it basically embodies all I find cool about literature and living. Murakami's 'The Dancing Dwarf' was the first piece I read, and it inspired me a lot. With magic realism, it is as logical to be sipping tea mid-air while conversing with the president, as it is doing so on the ground- you just have to make it seem so. And the characters are detached and largely aware of the absurdity of this- so cool.

Therefore, my creative advice today is to have a go at Magic Realism. Don't stress about it a lot- just have a go and have fun with it. All your wildest dreams as expected and logical as water boiling.

The perfect background track for inspiration: Ra Ra Riot's cover- Suspended in Gaffa

Have fun writing, and 'Be Creative!'.

Cathy

P.S Here's my first attempt - a short intro to a story I might develop. What do you think- weird enough for you? ;)

‘Just beyond there’, the young elephant pointed at me, jerking his trunk for emphasis. His trunk was a peculiar shade of green today, much different from the sterling grey coat he must have dyed it last week- it was obvious he had a cold. 

‘Thank you- and by the way, a stronger dye would hide the colour easily’, I whispered before leaving.

The elephant blushed, but still mustered a polite smile. It made me feel a bit bad. Pehaps, I shouldn’t have mentioned it. I mean, it was a well-known fact that all elephants dyed their skin grey, but one of those things that no one really talked about- as distasteful as talks of apartheid or the holocaust. But I had thought this young chap may not have minded, since his trunk wasn’t actually the original pink at all- but a sickly green.

‘Well... goodbye then’, I murmered, shifting my feet awkwardly.

 I was halfway there, I spun round for one last glance at the kind young elephant- now thinking I should’ve apologised for crossing the line. But of course, the elephant had already left. Honestly, sometimes I don’t get it. If I had pink skin like the elephants' I’d parade it everywhere- so pretty. And why they thought grey was a much more enviable hue- I do not know. I guess that’s elephants for you- always obsessed with looking the ‘part’- whatever that is.

Advice for a brand-new Adult( on her 18th birthday!)

Dear friend,
(With a fitting cliched beginning:)
It seems like only yesterday I saw your first birthday (which was in fact your 12th as we'd only met at the beginning of secondary school). But oh how you've not really grown at all! You still argue when you know you're wrong, still do that weird twisty thing with your hair when you're tensed( which will invariably lead to aloepecia), and still love and embrace life with all the gusto and all the innocence of a new-born rock star!


Therefore,  with all the wisdom of a best-friend who is at least a year younger than you, I have composed this list:


1) Be Spontaneous: No better time than now to remind you of the best piece of advice, which just happens to be first given me by you. Now that you're getting old and greying, make sure to keep that in mind. No matter how bogged down you get with the drudgery of life- randomly stop and smell the roses, kiss that passing stranger(not really), and burst out in song when you feel like it. I'll try to be there to fill the awkward silence when you do so...


2)Go to Ireland: Galway girl can't wait forever! There really is something magical about there be it Northern Ireland or the 'real deal'. Maybe you can finally live that Holly-Gerry moment, huh?


3) Don't 'DO IT'- 
You know what I mean. Not that I question your chastity or anything, but in a world where values are changing fast, and even the rest of our friends are giving in- try to remember it's best to save it for your 'one and only'...

4) On that note Do 'Get a Boyfriend':
I'd say it's about time now, don't ya think? And I know, I know- it's not really your active choice not to have one. But try opening your eyes to those you least expect - without compromising standards.

5) Take more pictures, make more videos: Honestly there is nothing better than documenting your life, really? Even when there's absolutely nothing special to document. It will come in handy when you're bored one day.


6) Stop any remnant  'childishness': Now I am NOT calling you out or anything, before you kill me! I 'm just saying if ever you get the temptation to be mean to someone, complain ridiculously or get overly-jealous about something trivial- NIP IT IN THE BUD!

7) Keep the 'child-likeness': Be free, Be trusting, Be trustworthy. Enjoy sweets and gum drops, wear that bright pink whatever- you know......

8) Get back to the Classics: What happened to those old Hamlet quotes you'd recite each day? Any you haven't read, get to reading and impress/annoy me again :) 

9) Once you do get a Boyfriend- DON'T be boy-crazy: Please, please don't 'cos guess whose gonna have to deal with the annoying worries, pleasantries, and post-break up 'Oh-My-God-I-Thought-He-Was-Perfect tears'....

10) Start working on that 'Bucket  list'- Not in the sense that you're getting old/nearing death, but in the fact that these our things you've always wanted to do. Remember how we started drawing them up last summer?

11) But remember- life is a marathon, not a race- So the process of getting there, is just as important as the achievement itself. Take time to relish the daily routines...

12) Never forget to have the occassional 'I'm gonna stay in my pajamas today', 'I'm gonna have a lie-in' days- they are essential

13) Try to make a mark on the world or at least, in someone else's life: Do something- write a book, get to painting, get to charity- have something you'll be remembered for.

14) Listen more: More knowledge is gained from taking in, than spitting out.

15) Travel- You know that's one of the top things you said you have to do. No matter where you work or what you do, make sure you go somewhere exotic...

16) But when you do, keep in touch, ok? And not just with me, or your family, but with the friends I know you're already letting go of. Call them up sometime

17) Believe in Fairytales, and Magic: I do not know who this slightly cynical personna I am starting to see more of is, but i advise  you to screw her and her over-realism. What would the world be without ideals- whether they pan out or not? You are not Miss Harry Potter-Movie Watcher-Extraordinaire for nothing! I know you will find him- I'm sure you will- and you'll have that life you dreamed of so long.

18) Be true to You and to Him- And this time I don't mean a guy- I mean God. Don't forget who you are- a Christian African child. That come with so many implications and responsibilities to others, yourself and God. Don't let anyone make you feel less; don't be pressurized into anything- and keep hope, faith, and love alive.


I love you now; I'll love you always. I'll be here to make sure you follow through.

Your bestie;
Cathy.

On the Loss of Innocence and Being-too-Young

I remember how there was a time when I could never fathom the following:
How Black Americans in the time when racial aggression was at its worst could live in a neighborhood where daily their friends and family got beaten, shot, or lynched.
How people in Afghanistan could go on living in an area where each moment laid imminent death by the Taliban.
How could they carry out any semblance of normal living at such times, and in such areas?
Why wouldn't they just leave?

Now, when I read about how a girl was returning from the market on her way to dinner,  when suddenly a soldier raid rampages her neighbor hood, or how a man was driving home from work and was suddenly shot by a member of the KKK, my senses are not completely shocked at the complete contrast of the two happenings.
I understand perfectly how my country can be deemed a terrorist nation, facing internal war from a religious sect, and I can still go on living there with my family, and living a relatively normal life too- watching movies, going to Church, having parties.

I read daily that another Church had been bombed, another raid unleashed- and with the full knowledge that it could have just as easily been me, I wake up and do the same tomorrow.

Why it is this way- I do not really know.
But sometimes leaving just isn't an option- and not even in the physical sense you may think I mean.

Maybe it's because leaving just isn't the answer- but that's probably not really why.

But it doesn't just stop there- I myself have been a subject of a dreaded news take on a crises. It was horrible, I was shaken- but I'm still there and I still live.

What I have learnt is this: We can never just stop, we have to keep moving-to carry on.
And sometimes these things that happen really are greater than us, and all we can do is be moved, swept by the tide.

Harsh fact for someone whose barely lived.

I really am too young, to be feeling this old.

-Cathy

TO AN AWSOME FRIEND AT THE DAWN OF HER 18TH

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!1
BONNE ANNIVERSAIRE!!!11

HAVE AN AMAZING DAY DEAR FRIEND AND CO-BLOGGER!
Even though I can't be there with you :(

All of you readers send her some love and blog advice. I will attempt to come up with a proper birthday post for Duby- our co-blogger!

Love you always DUBY!!!!!!!!!!!!

-Cathy

A Rant?

'Germans are stupid'

Ok, so I have this little stereotype stuck in my head. I know it's obviously wrong, and that it only holds true based on ad hominum logical fallacy. But I honestly don't care- at least, not now.

A lot of times you go on hearing that we've come along way, and that Racism is a thing of the past- a non-subject really.But I am sadly certain that it's a thing that may never go away. And not because it can't, but because it's continually propagated- by both sides. And not in the tangible way it was before- that was the easy part. Now its subliminal it's in ideas, in comments, in charity- in matters you just can't pin point.

But that's not what I'm about to focus on- no lofty ideas for now.

I just have a case in point, is all.

As an African studying abroad, after previously not doing so: I came smack faced with it on a daily basis. But sometimes it becomes so open and obvious- but still in that way that remains so elusive.

1)A German boy  having watched me run a race( the only black person running) went up to another African girl and told her 'Congratulations on running':
a) This boy has been in my class the entire year
b) this boy is friends with the girl he mistook me for
c) There are only 4 black girls in our year(myself included)- and neither of us look alike
d) To further this- I am tall, thin, with a short curly hair style. The girl is Short, plump, with huge long braids

And I am just like:

2) We were at a UKCAT(Medicine test)  test preparation session when a black friend of mine came out on top in the decision analysis section. This section deals with encoding cryptic messages based on numbers representing disjointed groups of words.  A Girl( another German) made the following comment:
'It(her success) must be because that's how they talk where she comes from'

Once again:

Now I know this is ignorance.
And society today will tell me to 'chill out-obviously they don't mean it or can't you take a harmless joke?'

But you know what, society? No I *OBSCENITY* can't, because it doesn't matter whether they say this with the hatred of the KKK, or the stupidity of ...Bozo the clown! I don't care.
This, my friends, is the exact reason why racism will never end.
And until we learn to stop letting it go as a joke- this intangible elusive subliminal *Obscenity* we call racism like an annoying itch- will never leave.

And here is  the reasoning behind my claim, in the words of Aibileen Clark from The Help:

''- stop that moment from coming – and it come in every child's life – when they start to think that colored folks ain't as good as whites" 

-Cathy