War; A soldier in defeat

Saw the clouds floating in their sheets 

Saw the sun loathing in its heat

The sound of guns, the drum roll beats

The people around me still, too scared to speak 

A sudden panic filled me amidst the silence

My attacker's stare was cold and his dark eyes so violent

we were two soldiers in opposal yet one man against another

I saw a smile creep up against his cheeks

Stared at the bloody palms; an gory tale of past brutality

The price of bravery is not cheap; the pain it brings runs still deep

My killer placed the heavy metal to my heartbeat

By convention we call it a gun, a war man's weapon-but to me just a valiant tool for the weak.

The first bullet was to be the last because I had perished many times before this confrontation

Dying repeatedly in the subtle agony of my disappointment

For here I was at the face of despair and worse than anything I was dowsed with worry 

The tear drop fell slowly and my last thoughts were;

courage is a myth, for at the last all we feel is fear.

Duby .

Hearts and Pieces; now or forever

We are two lovers sitting in the darkness of our thoughts and listening to the music of our heartbeats, There in lies a baritone to our worries and the uncertainties we hold deep down- producing a keen type of sadness. one thinks ' when will I see her again? The other- will I ever know happiness after he's gone? The night sky provides a beautiful scenery for us to gaze at and reminisce about the things long gone- the insatiable kisses, the warm hugs, the broad smiles- each with its own mystery.

You are million miles in your thoughts, and yet I am here with you looking up at the constellations and making a thousand wishes just as I know you are doing right now. Sometimes we get so caught up in our greed for better things that we forget the best things that have already happened to us. I miss you already because I know you wont always be here. I want to run away from the definite sadness that will follow your departure, but I also want to watch you leave, and remember  how you looked at me as you faded away and the tears that clouded my eyes as I smiled bravely, hoping this wasn't a real goodbye.

I have learnt to measure distance, not by the space that separates us, but by the disparity between our emotions- the difference in how we feel(for there is no correlation between distance and love....only time). If you are also in some far away place thinking about me as well, and loving me to shreds then we are not apart in any way. But if even for once you think about me and you don't feel the same spark, the skip of a heart beat...a sudden gasp of pain then my dear, we are indeed distant in the ways that matter. I looked up at the northern star and made one last wish before I walked away. That night a thousand pieces of my heart had been cast into nothingness, just waiting for you to find one bit and mould it to yours. You might be there, while I am here, but tonight we are together.

Duby.

sunrise and writers; Phil Collins(father to son)

One of the wisest lyricists/artistes/philosophers speaks about life and love in an ode to his son. Enjoy.

The Book of Love P1

This one's for everyone- the lovers, the beloved, those who have lost it, and those yet to find it.

Many thanks to Scrubs Episode Finale for playing it.(love that show).
Post coming later!

-Cathy

Here and beyond; A sailor's tale

I felt my hands go numb as I looked into the vast beyond

The tremble in my pulse quickened as I gazed into the acres of blue

I was a sailor sought out for great lands and far adventures

To me the sea was a dream, the waves a wicked nightmare

I looked out to the boats that sailed past; tiny bubbles in the mighty bath that was the ocean

There was a certain stillness in the vibrant air; A calm touch to the wildness around me

The wind kissed my cheek when I dared to lean out to feel magical breeze of the sea

I had never seen anything as magnetic as the force of the tides that propelled the ship forward 

And my hands rested on the bridge in ample comfort as I sailed into the beautiful darkness

As I looked on I saw a shadow

Tales of magnificent vessels were oft belittled in their simplicity

For few had seen one as elegant as this; held by a rigid sail and adorned with a pirate's mascot

That was what stared across from me as in steered forward.

 My intensity of my gaze did surpass the flamboyance of its wake

And within I felt a longing like never before to reach into  the vastness and claim this new found treasure; A wish as unfathomable as a ship without a crew.

Duby

sunrise and writers; waiting for eternity

In a near empty open cafe somewhere down town I sit. And as I look out the glazed window, I observe the tourists and athletes that walk by. Everyone excited about the olympic games that were soon to start, everyone happy in the spirit of summer. As i watch a young couple at the far end of the cafe glance towards my direction, I wonder if they can hear the pounding  in my heart as I contemplate a certain sadness that would soon be mine- for when the clock strikes 6 it would be exactly a year since Tom had kissed me goodbye in this very cafe.....on this very spot. I look down on the fine wood I am sitting on, remembering how my heart had shattered into a thousand fragments, as I had watched him walk out the open doors and disappear into the crowd outside- having unknowingly taken my life and soul with him and forever leaving me with vivid memories of a past we spent....and the glimpse of a future that could have been ours.

Everything around me screamed his name, everything from the cold cup of coffee in my hand,which had been made exactly how he had liked his, to the subtle scent of the cologne that I could still smell on his sweater that I had on. even the way the man on the opposite table smiled at the waitress, reminded me of him- always a charmer, forever a gentleman. In many ways the the cold coffee in my hand was warmer that the chill in my spine and the pain in my heart. I still love you, I thought to myself. even after everything I still love you and I would race time if that is what it took to see you again.but I also new that this was impossible; a dream of a wish that was inconceivable- and a past that was irredeemable. 

The strangers around me whistle past and I feel the still hot summer kiss my cheeks, as if in an effort to provide comfort and restore the warmth to my soul. But they only succeed in making me more aware of my sadness and this new loneliness that was both alien and invasive. just then the clock strikes six and I involuntarily turn back to stare at the entrance, half expecting to see Tom himself strolling towards me, letting me know that it had never happened and he had never left. With a mixture of disappointment and grief, the tears slide down slowly but surely and i reach for the hem of my sleeves as if to serve as a brake to the tears. But now it has dawned on me....Tom is gone forever.

Duby.

Fast Car

For a long time now, I have wondered how best to say this. Somehow I know I'll never get it right. Presently, you are a thousand miles away, and I'm struggling to keep things sane over here. There must be a million things on your mind right now, but if you have the time, here's this.

Sometimes we get lost in where we are now, and forget just how far we've come- good or bad. Where it all began.  Today I did  the same thing that I've always done. I cleaned the house, pressed his shirts,  washed the baby. It was while she fed that I heard it play on the radio. The first bars I couldn't mistake, so I gasped, nearly dropping her. I sat still in shock for the rest of the song, clutching her to my chest, ignoring the kettle hissing, the phone ringing, the world moving.

Now I am in the attic scribbling this late into the night. I spent the rest of the day searching amongst my old stuff for that CD. When I found it,  I couldn't believe my luck. It's playing now on repeat...it's helping me do this.

There is so much I never said to you, and for that I'm sorry.

When you came to town, I was angry and tired...always tired. So it was simple: I was awful to you. And then you came to town full of the shine of the city, all talk of bigger things and hope. I hated you for it, but it confused me why you were here in the first place. So I entertained your endless questions, and all your stories.

But I soon started to notice how those awkward silences became more comfortable, and that your eyes shone differently when you were out late with me. The day you  kissed me, I remember thinking 'this can't be right- you are so different from me!'.

It was another year later that I realised we were just two shades of the same colour.

You lost your mother, I never knew my father. This town was the only other home you and your dad had ever known. And without her, there just wasn't enough to keep you both in the city. 

In your eyes I saw the eyes of somebody I could trust. I never expected to fall in so deep. We both knew we needed to leave this place at once, or live and die this way.

It fascinated you, how I could conjure up these fantasies of how we would leave, and where we would go. Not knowing I only had them because of you; because with you, I felt like I could be someone.You had a car, and I had a little cash from the extra shifts I took at work.
That morning you asked me to come with you across the border, I couldn't believe you even though I knew how serious you were being. I wanted to do it, believe me, I did. I was ready. I had been ever since you mentioned it the first night we drove out of  town. 

Yes, it was as we drove, the radio played this song, and it was ours and we were in love.

Cathy