A Thought

Imagine this:

You come to the library like any other day, mind set on getting through the inhuman volumes of required reading and essay-writing. As you set down your book bag, you can't help releasing a mini sigh of relief, now that the sharp pain in your shoulders has begun to fade. Like many others, you try to fight back the increasing worry you feel as you rumble through your stuff for two essential library items: your laptop charger, and (of course) your headphones. You secretly high-five yourself on remembering to bring both.

As you lift your laptop screen, it flashes with a subtle buzz to life. Fingers braced, you watch it with angst, waiting for the second the mute button is ready to respond (you're a master at this by now). You're satisfied at having evaded any potentially life-scarring music explosions, even though you're pretty certain you had nothing playing before you left home. Excited to play an amazing song you recently discovered, you quickly plug in your headphones and open up YouTube. You set the volume soft and low, aware that no headphones are perfect.  

As it plays, it carries you away with it, and amidst the fully-packed desks, you are truly alone and free. Each second that passes transforms the building into a hearth of solace, and only a small part of you still spatially aware could feel sorry for the others around you suffering the silence. It is so good, you decide then and there to get through the entire recommended playlist.

Three hours later, you're ready to go. You lift your headphones off your ears, only to realise that all along they had never been fully plugged in.

And all around you are the soft sounds of Soko's 'We Might Be Dead Tomorrow'. They fill the void, teasing ears that- willingly or unwillingly-would hear.

Yet no one complained.

Cathy

Fast Car

For a long time now, I have wondered how best to say this. Somehow I know I'll never get it right. Presently, you are a thousand miles away, and I'm struggling to keep things sane over here. There must be a million things on your mind right now, but if you have the time, here's this.

Sometimes we get lost in where we are now, and forget just how far we've come- good or bad. Where it all began.  Today I did  the same thing that I've always done. I cleaned the house, pressed his shirts,  washed the baby. It was while she fed that I heard it play on the radio. The first bars I couldn't mistake, so I gasped, nearly dropping her. I sat still in shock for the rest of the song, clutching her to my chest, ignoring the kettle hissing, the phone ringing, the world moving.

Now I am in the attic scribbling this late into the night. I spent the rest of the day searching amongst my old stuff for that CD. When I found it,  I couldn't believe my luck. It's playing now on repeat...it's helping me do this.

There is so much I never said to you, and for that I'm sorry.

When you came to town, I was angry and tired...always tired. So it was simple: I was awful to you. And then you came to town full of the shine of the city, all talk of bigger things and hope. I hated you for it, but it confused me why you were here in the first place. So I entertained your endless questions, and all your stories.

But I soon started to notice how those awkward silences became more comfortable, and that your eyes shone differently when you were out late with me. The day you  kissed me, I remember thinking 'this can't be right- you are so different from me!'.

It was another year later that I realised we were just two shades of the same colour.

You lost your mother, I never knew my father. This town was the only other home you and your dad had ever known. And without her, there just wasn't enough to keep you both in the city. 

In your eyes I saw the eyes of somebody I could trust. I never expected to fall in so deep. We both knew we needed to leave this place at once, or live and die this way.

It fascinated you, how I could conjure up these fantasies of how we would leave, and where we would go. Not knowing I only had them because of you; because with you, I felt like I could be someone.You had a car, and I had a little cash from the extra shifts I took at work.
That morning you asked me to come with you across the border, I couldn't believe you even though I knew how serious you were being. I wanted to do it, believe me, I did. I was ready. I had been ever since you mentioned it the first night we drove out of  town. 

Yes, it was as we drove, the radio played this song, and it was ours and we were in love.

Cathy

sunrise and writers

We seek happiness and we want to laugh

We move through life always trying to avoid the stings

We accept the reality but we reject the bitterness

We want to be wise but never let go of our youth

The lights shine bright

The world is at our feet

The moment is ready and the time is right

 Beauty is short lived but character is sweet

The time that will be spent, the memories we will relive

The words we shall speak, the questions we shall ask

The opinions we build on and the thoughts we cherish

She, for him

And as she sat there with him, on the ledge of the bridge, she'd made a deal with herself. She would tell him, finally, how she felt. After these past 2 months that had felt surreal, like she was constantly on a cloud- floating. She would show him her heart- tell him how much she loved him.
But she wouldn't wait for his reply.

'I think, I might just be falling for you'
And in that sane second, with all her strength she pushed off the stony leadge, and for that second air-borne- she was finally free. The nearest thing to how she now felt.

And as soon as she could breathe again, with the thrill of the plunge and the cold water, she swam.

She'd barely heard him call her, heard a glimpse of his perplexed laugh.

And she smiled, if he felt thhe same, he'd jump in- she knew it.

And he did

As fast as she could; she  paddled to the shore and ran- bare feet gritty with sand-turned-mud, till  her saoking clothes and air-deprived lungs wore her down.

She turned and faced him, grinning that foolish-yet knowing- grin he'd known so well.
She smiled
he smiled.

They kissed.

-Cathy