People and I

I have always had a love-and-hate relationship with people.

Not with humanity- oh, I love humanity. I love what we have achieved, what we are capable of, our vulnerability. Show me a stranger, and already my heart reaches out for them as my mind tries to unravel the idiosyncracies of this individual. I love all people, but truly only in the abstract. Or rather, I love them on the basic level of being....well,  human beings.

But knowing them is another story entirely.There are 2 types of people I have distaste for:
1. Those who have no patience for other's secret souls
2. Those who choose to act like they don't have one.

Maybe it's just some people's personalities I don't like. And don't get me wrong- I have no prolem with differences. I get that what make me tick, may not work for you. It's the people who don't accept these differences that erk me.

I dont know about you but all the cool kids are doing it.........

TRAVELLING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Catherine and I have a plan.......as always. We've planned a euro trip for this summer.....Northern Ireland-France-Spain-Greece. And then wherever it is that we go to last, we will do something crazy....it was my idea really- to write a long letter and bury it in the earth (probably at a landmark or something). And then years later when we are married with kids and all, we will go SEPARATELY to that same spot to dig up the letters and read them. Aren't me and my best friend so original?? (hint).

A Letter to my older self

Dear Future Duby,

You are now standing at the point where you looked up to many years ago and wondering how it is that you do not feel a damn difference. That is fine. You were never one to grow old anyway. The foibles of life are of many a plentitude that I can only imagine how much more you've grown and how much more you have to learn. There were a couple of things I would have loved to tell you when you were much younger but perhaps I was afraid to temper the beauty of uncertainty. Eager to relish the curiosities of unexpectancy. But alas! It is with the half baked entitlement of a younger self (roughly 22 years and 10 months of age) that i present to you my many few heirlooms of wisdom from the past. Ironically, as you like it.

There is no such thing as "fate", or "God's plan", so dont cry over spilt milk. Make a template and present it to God for his guidance. If you earn it, he will grant it. You learnt a great lesson that August 16th when you received the disastrous surprise of three poor A level grades which you hard worked dearly for. Blame it on whatever but it does not matter because you fought your way up with hard work and faith to eventually get into law school and go on to become a very successful english barrister with a brilliant university track record. Peace out AQA!

But do not be arrogant. The beauty of success is that it should inflame in us a dual desire to share it and to relish it. Do more of the former and have no regrets.

Your confidence in handling your love life has and shall always be impressive. Have no shame in your forthrightness. Be as bold as you were, be as strong as you can. Remember how many bullets you dodged in the past, in the way of unreliable lovers? Keep it going. Keep your heart protected.

On that note it is AMAZING that you remained chaste through all the years. I told you it wasn't worth it anyway. And i'm sure the joy you experienced during your honeymoon (It was in Peru yes?) was as justified as ever.

And your husband.....give it all in...show him everything. Tell him how many nights you fantasised about him, tell him how long you yearned. Tell him about your favourite love stories, take him to Galway, watch PS I love you with him, tell him about Gerry and Holly, listen to Ronald Keating , and tell him how you cried the first time you watched the notebook. You always were a romantic..show him that. With time he will truly understand.

Tell mummy thank you as often as you can. She was right about everything...you cannot imagine.

And call you friends too. Be there for everything. Watch Catherine deliver her first baby, watch her perform her first surgery. Surprise Tujo with an amazing baby shower, visit Beatrice all the time. Do not spare your love, they have been loyal to you forever. Remember Laertes said to Polonius- "Those friends thou hast and their adoption tried, grapple them to thy soul like hoops of steel.

Do everything you promised, Leave no stone unturned. It is not enough that you composed a first class thesis on institutional racism within the english criminal justice system. Follow through. Correct it. Make the right changes everywhere.

Move back to Nigeria at some point. Yes...it it has to be done. There is so much waiting there for you do. Pay your dues. Perhaps finally run for political office? It wasn't that dangerous after all.

And if you have kids pass down your passion to them. Let them read Achebe, let them fall in love with our history. Sustain them with your wisdom, direct them with your diligence.

Cherish you four older siblings even more as the years go by. They really did make a lot of sacrifices.

Go back to Europe. There really is so much history to be learned from there. Visit more museums, go to more monuments. 

Remember the many miracles that God bestowed on you. Never leave him, never doubt him. He came through then, he will come through again.

With Love,

Duby (2017 version).

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RIP Grandpa

The oldest man in Awka dies; A son’s tribute

There is this stillness in the air that is the silence of my cries

The easy rustle of the leaves just as consistent as my agony

Does time pass? Is there the bustle of movement? Alas my sorrow…is it solitary?

My face is turned to the past and the present pulls me back; a strong wind.

 I see the rubble that is the past I cannot fix

I might reach for hope but it fades just as swiftly as your last breath

I might fight this wind but it gets nearer like the forceful storm that is now my reality

I knew a lifetime with you; the angel of my history

The words that we said were longer than the seconds of a thousand minutes

The laughter that we shared even sweeter than the bass notes of a million drum rolls

The bareness in our love just as simple as dusk will change to dawn

Perhaps the pain I feel is selfish?

 It is true, I knew it, but did I believe it?

Always in my knowledge but hardly in conscious thought alas I have been taught once again;

“That all that lives must die, passing through nature unto eternity”

  Indeed the oldest man but today he is just my father.

Rest in peace Grandpa.

My Creative Process

(NB: intended to be read with the music, not after (if you can). Usually if I link a song, that's what I'm going for).

Dear Friends,

I cannot stress enough, how connected all art is for me, in particular: music, dance, and literature.

More often than not, my art begins with a bud of inspiration from music. Certain songs just have an automatic, almost visceral response from my body that elicits feelings so strong, they demand to be made whole. Initially, my body shuts down as the music soars through, becoming part of me. Every hair buzzes, as I radiate the notes from my very core to a song which seems to play from within. In my inner eye, without much thought, I see a story that plays perfectly to its new soundtrack.

Here, the story changes with the music, and not the other way round. Sometimes I am the protagonist, other times only a bystander. Each time, however, I am entirely invested in the outcome. At this point, I am likely to start dancing. The sound within me now comes without, searching for some immediate expression. No matter the genre, I'll dance.

After playing the song a good five times or so, I start to feel like I've sufficiently embodied the spirit of the piece. It's that spirit that help me keep the mood as I write. Sometimes, I'll play the song over and over again until I'm done. And when I'm through, I'll read over it with the same track, to see if what I've written compliments what I feel. Serious editing takes place much later.

Many say books are amazing because they give you the rare opportunity to live life much more than once. I say the same for a good song, a good dance, a good performance.

Stay inspired,

Cathy.

A Thought

Imagine this:

You come to the library like any other day, mind set on getting through the inhuman volumes of required reading and essay-writing. As you set down your book bag, you can't help releasing a mini sigh of relief, now that the sharp pain in your shoulders has begun to fade. Like many others, you try to fight back the increasing worry you feel as you rumble through your stuff for two essential library items: your laptop charger, and (of course) your headphones. You secretly high-five yourself on remembering to bring both.

As you lift your laptop screen, it flashes with a subtle buzz to life. Fingers braced, you watch it with angst, waiting for the second the mute button is ready to respond (you're a master at this by now). You're satisfied at having evaded any potentially life-scarring music explosions, even though you're pretty certain you had nothing playing before you left home. Excited to play an amazing song you recently discovered, you quickly plug in your headphones and open up YouTube. You set the volume soft and low, aware that no headphones are perfect.  

As it plays, it carries you away with it, and amidst the fully-packed desks, you are truly alone and free. Each second that passes transforms the building into a hearth of solace, and only a small part of you still spatially aware could feel sorry for the others around you suffering the silence. It is so good, you decide then and there to get through the entire recommended playlist.

Three hours later, you're ready to go. You lift your headphones off your ears, only to realise that all along they had never been fully plugged in.

And all around you are the soft sounds of Soko's 'We Might Be Dead Tomorrow'. They fill the void, teasing ears that- willingly or unwillingly-would hear.

Yet no one complained.

Cathy

Catherine becomes an accredited writer just in time for her adult beginning

Catherine!!! Cathy!!!! Gosh, where to start?? You are 18, you released an anthology, you're famous, you're about to begin your undergrad in medicine, and you're my best friend! It just does not get any better does it?


But seriously Catherine I love you. We have been through so much together and whilst it has not always been easy sustaining our friendship, it has also not been tasking at all! To be honest, not much has changed since the beginning...think about it. for example, I still don't get when you think my dress is short (cause it is!) and you still don't get why i wont at least learn how to play ONE sport ( I've tried soccer remember?). We both don't like to act mushy when we're actually together but then when you leave you ping me and say something sweet (loser behavior). lmao and we both don't get why NIGERIANS use such funny expressions like, 'smiling in perspective' (really?) and till date i don't know where all my 16th birthday plans went to...likeeee all our dreams. Sha, we've lived the most part of the past seven or eight  years(depends on when you start counting) building a future around one another, dreaming about prince charming a loooooot, planning our dream wedding, laughing at funny people like mutant chike, and fantasizing about the posh life not to mention all the famous people we plan to meet and places we said we would visit together. It has not always worked out and we were meant to explore Europe together this summer *sigh*. Anyway below are a few tips I would like you to keep in mind as we both climb that age ladder to keep you fresh and wise:

1) Maintain your uniqueness: Believe it or not it is hard to accomplish. We live in a world where everyone follows a set formula for almost everything and only few of us question why we do things and create OUR own formula for living-Remember that this was precisely a major reason for why we clicked as friends. Be different Cathy, find your own meaning of life like Buddha did and abide by it.

2) forget about too much logic; You have never been one to completely let go even though this is something you advise me to do and which i have ALWAYS believed you should do more often. Logic is good don't get me wrong, but sometimes things would not make sense on the surface and yet they could end up being some of the best memories just because they were UNCONVENTIONAL. Remember last summer? :)

3) Try to aim for personal contact with your friends that are far away....it keeps things in momentum: For example, if you end up going to Ireland for uni we would need to still meet as much as possible. And look how Tweej is not here with us, we need to try to reunite with our sleepover girls every now and again.I don't know how but we will see. You know old friends are always the most refreshing for they hold the most memories of our past and we will share the future together :)

4) Never stop being charitable; I was very happy when you told me about your charity, it is something that has always been linked to your personality. Our happiest times are usually when we help that can never pay us back for it...it is the mystery of generosity. And still those who give the most always seem to have more. Is God not brilliant?

5) Do not bother following the crowd; i know this is linked to my first point but what i mean in this case is that you should remember YOUR/OUR values. you know something i realized is that because we refused to do those supposedly 'little' things like grinding in ljc....i mean yes they stroked us for it but what it did is that it made me very resilient so that even now I would still frown at something I don't feel comfortable with...And imagine how impressed prince charming would be to find out that we are not just gorgeous but also virgins? Yaaay!

6) Try to be childlike; I know i'm copying your advice but seriously when you look at the world the same way despite the reality of things, you truly never age. And it glows from without...you can even spot when an adult is youthful...it is in the things they say and how they act. Youth is our elixir.

7) Get your first kiss!; Yess you know this is the point that I have been waiting to make hahahahaha. In the grand scheme of things first kiss doesn't have to equate to first boyfriend. There are reasons why we must not put a name on everything. But he would always be someone you never forget.

8) Get into the dating scene; Dating is exciting- cause they don't have to be your boyfriends but they would take you on adventures that would mold into a true princess. Just imagine fine dining in fancy restaurants, wine tasting, and flowers being delivered by the post man with hidden love notes. That is what you deserve to happen to you because you're beautiful and it will...and he will be exactly how you want him to be. Someone shout amen! lmao

9) Keep your family at the veryyyy top of the list; God made us share the same last name with a bunch of people for a reason. it wasn't luck but destiny- This is something I have not always done cause you know how I am...wanting to be self dependent and all that. But they would always be right behind you do not let go  of their love and companionship :D

10) Ignore the critics; Many times we would come up with grand plans would of course have flaws. People would use their cynicism to shoot them down...then they would say it is just cause they are 'wise'. ALL LIES dear one, remember the wright brothers?...When you believe in yourself there is no limit to what you can achieve, so shut out the voices!

11) learn about the sages; You know how all these famous authors, Presidents, Nobel prize winners, etc always seem to refer to some old quotations in their speeches-it is cause of what those sayings actually do to your mind. Believe or not the old philosophers knew so much about life and its significance.....there is soooo much wisdom to be gotten from what they said. And not just cause of the pretentiousness of being able to quote them but the depth in their meanings.

12) listen to more music and go for as many concert as you can; only because these are things that we both love and have always wanted to do- once in a while buy yourself a ticket to a show and go along with a friend....enjoy life. Plus music is really soul food.

13) Read a looooot of books; old books, new books, all of them! trust me the elite can always tell the difference between someone who is well versed and he who isn't....It just rings from the things you say, how you think, the knowledge you have. It is also very attractive in a lady- personal experience speaking here.

14) Do not be afraid to get wild when you deserve it; Try to live a prudent life but every now and again go out with your girlies for a night out, get wasted just a little, and chill out in hotel rooms drinking vintage wine labels....I will be there to make sure nothing drastic happens/gets photographed. that reminds me of Holly's 30th lol.

15) Keep it till the wedding night; As we are getting older it is making more sense to us why we should keep waiting. Yeah so stick to it (I know you will). But like not just cause it is a sin, it is also a dishonor to yourself to give to someone more than they deserve :)

16) Try to call on birthdays; I'm starting to cultivate the habit as well- twitter/facebook messages are not enough so yeah...ring us up..your homies and send a chocolate box or sth.

17) Keep your faith alive through active religiousity; Abeg what im just saying is continue going to church...it is good and it is very helpful for you and for others who wish to emulate you.....sounding like Sr. Lilian right now but sha you get warram saying.

18) Never Forget US!- Yup me and you, you and I, Cathy and Duby, the adventures of bubbles and frosty remember? cathy and duby greatest, our hausa jokes, our late night convos, our dreams, our past, our present, the awaiting future....remember it ALL and try to write down some of the things...these are memories we would one day share with our kids....you will be their aunty/god mother and all that. :D

Forever loving and adoring and disturbing you,

Duby...Yadubi (get it?)